Bare with me while I share a part of myself to an unknown number of possibly judgmental internet stalkers.
I’m so tired of the 2:00am feedings.
I’m tired of the early evening/late afternoon meltdowns.
I’m physically incapable of mustering up the slightest sincere or sentimental comment when I don’t care.
I don’t know how I will get through tomorrow.
But, I will!
And yet here I am typing out this post!
I received a call from my sister the other day, discussing an ongoing issue we both somewhat share. She said something to me. Something that I believe almost everyone in my family believes that I always want to hear:
“You were right, and everyone else was wrong!”
However, as the words left her mouth, it was confirmed for me that those were never the words I have been struggling to hear. And if they were, she isn’t the person I want to hear them from.
But that’s not my point.
What I realized, is what I’ve known all along,
“I just want to be heard!”
Don’t we all?
I just want to FEEL heard.
So, here I go. . .
I need a break!
I need a piece of me, back!
I don’t want to hear how strong I am. Or how good my kids are. Or how great I look. . . Considering. . .
I want to be heard. Listened to.
I want a hug. Maybe a lingering hug where I could possibly shed a tear. Maybe a back rub, where I could let out a deep sigh.
I want to be heard!
An understanding nod will do just find.
Maybe hold my hand if I begin to ramble.
Calm my child, not if, but when they begin to cry.
Let me breath.
I’m done with being strong.
I just want to be me.
And that doesn’t mean weak.
I don’t want to feel like I have to take on the world. Or solve all of my kids’ problems. I just need a moment.
Don’t I deserve a moment?
I. Just. Want. To. Breath. . .
I’m exhausted. And tomorrow is another where I get to do it all over again. . .