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1:34am

Bare with me while I share a part of myself to an unknown number of possibly judgmental  internet stalkers. 

I’m Exhausted!

I’m so tired of the 2:00am feedings.

I’m tired of the early evening/late afternoon meltdowns. 

I’m physically incapable of mustering up the slightest sincere or sentimental comment when I don’t care. 

I’m lost.

I don’t know how I will get through tomorrow.

But, I will!

I’m tired.

And yet here I am typing out this post!
I received a call from my sister the other day, discussing an ongoing issue we both somewhat share. She said something to me. Something that I believe almost everyone in my family believes that I always want to hear:

“You were right, and everyone else was wrong!”

However, as the words left her mouth, it was confirmed for me that those were never the words I have been struggling to hear. And if they were, she isn’t the person I want to hear them from.

But that’s not my point.

What I realized, is what I’ve known all along, 

“I just want to be heard!”

Don’t we all?

I just want to FEEL heard.

So, here I go. . .

I’m tired!

I’m exhausted!

I need a break!

I need a piece of me, back!

I don’t want to hear how strong I am. Or how good my kids are. Or how great I look. . . Considering. . .

I want to be heard. Listened to.

I want a hug. Maybe a lingering hug where I could possibly shed a tear. Maybe a back rub, where I could let out a deep sigh.

I want to be heard!

An understanding nod will do just find.

Maybe hold my hand if I begin to ramble.

Calm my child, not if, but when they begin to cry.

Let me breath.

I’m done with being strong.

I just want to be me.

And that doesn’t mean weak.

I don’t want to feel like I have to take on the world. Or solve all of my kids’ problems. I just need a moment.

Don’t I deserve a moment?

I. Just. Want. To. Breath. . .

I’m exhausted. And tomorrow is another where I get to do it all over again. . .

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